Trick or Treat ( the benching, the ghosting, the gaslighting and the zombie-ing of todays dating world)

Growth & comfort can not coexist
August 28, 2018
Article published in “Macedonian Social” -FA 2019
March 4, 2020
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Trick or Treat ( the benching, the ghosting, the gaslighting and the zombie-ing of todays dating world)

You meet someone you like, you go on a date. Date goes amazing. You set another date shortly after. Another date goes amazing. You start seeing each other more often, and in mean time assure each other that these feelings that are arising are mutual.* So for the sake of argument, let’s say it is mutual. (Going optimistic here).
What would be the healthy way to proceed?
Are you going to be following your feelings, or you are gonna behave in a ways society thought you to, well since hey, everybody is doing it- so that must be normal right? WRONG.

Case scenario 1:
– You find out that you like this person, (so from previous experience, and what now feels as a norm to you) is to not respond to their messages right away, but instead to see them and consciously let them wait for your response for few hours. Not because you are busy to respond but because that’s what everybody is doing;
– Be on your phone texting while you are with them (ignoring their presence and disrespecting them);
– When they invite you to spend time with them (even though you would like that and you can find time in your schedule) you would have to reject and respond with “Would love to, but…”

Case scenario 2:
– You like this person, (even though you’ve been emotionally manipulated in the past), you respond in a timely manner (you know that they are not your ex’s);
– You silent your phone and are actually present while with them (it’s at least respectful and you do actually want to get to know them);
– You have a busy schedule but find a way to rearrange your schedule when they invite you, because you want to spend time with them to get to know them better;

So which one would you think it’s healthy ?

A healthy individual would know right from wrong. Would know that even though someone do harm to them in their past, this new person they feel attracted to are not their ex’s. Would follow their will and intuition despite the emotional manipulation that society thought them to consider as a norm.

When in situation like that, where your intuition tells you something is off, follow your insticts. If reality shows you that the person is wasting your time and emotionally manipulating, leading you to believe they want to be with you while they are also seeing other people, remember one thing: IT IS NOT YOU – ITS THEM!
If you’ve been nothing but honest, never disrespected that person, had an honest wish to get to know them and be with them and only them at that time, than you are true to your self. You are authentic. Consciousness clear.

Despite the fact that you’ve been benched, gaslighted or ghosted in your past and those people have hurt you, you are also aware that this individual is not them and it’s only a fair game to give them an unbiased clean shot.If you copy paste the painful things that have been done to you in the past, and now you do the same thing to another person, you are no better then the people who’ve hurt you!

So why continuing to emotionally harm other people? People who’ve done nothing like that to you? It is within your power to stop that cycle. It is within your power to stay authentic and chose the healthy way instead of the coward way. Yes, it is very easy to disappear on a person, ignore their text messages and manipulate them, everyone can do that. But can you imagine a generation that is doing that to each other? Do you see any trust among them? Any honesty? Any future for them?

Yes, it is hard to say when feelings are not mutual, but it is also the right way to be honest.

Do the right thing. Even if they don’t know any better. Bottom line, it is them who need help and healing – not you.

And you know what heals the best way? Love. Love heals all wounds.



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